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Breaking free of the "shoulds"


“You should really consider what other people will think.”

“You should keep your opinions to yourself.”

“You should put your own dreams on the back burner or else you’re selfish.”

“You should stay in that job that’s making you sick.”

“You should keep that friend who drains you.”

“You should hide your emotions so you don’t look crazy.”

“You should...”


Who’s ready to call B.S. on these messages and start deciding for ourselves what WE “should” do? (Me!)


As we take the second step in our journey Back to US, I want to repeat -


It’s not about becoming something different or “better” than you are. It’s about REMEMBERING who YOU are. Chipping away at everything that has built up over the years that has blocked your vision of that wise, powerful, magnificent woman.


Last week we started with a simpler, more tangible area of “buildup.”


This week we begin our deep dive.


Our second step is about identifying and clearing the “shoulds” that we have listened to for so long, seeing through them and stripping them of the power they have over us and our sense of who we are.


And the key to stripping them of THEIR power is realizing that WE hold the power, with this one simple realization:

It’s not what other people say we “should” do that limits us…

it’s OUR BELIEF that those people are right.

Think about this. The distinction can take a minute to see, but it’s so powerful.


You see, there are so many things we go along with in life, without ever questioning whether these things are right for US. It’s not because we’re lazy or we don’t care, it’s because we’ve never considered that we have a choice, or we’ve never realized there even is another choice. Or it’s because we feel guilty going against what society says we “should” do.


Ultimately, we believe these external “shoulds” because somewhere, deep down, we assume other people know what’s right for US better than we do. (Next week we begin chipping away at that self-doubt.)

It’s time we learn to trust OURSELVES again.

It’s time for us to re-evaluate the “should’s” that we've allowed to limit our dreams, so we can decide FOR OURSELVES if they apply to OUR vision of who we want to be.


I say this as if it’s simple, but I know it’s not. Some of those “shoulds” are so deeply ingrained in us- in our very concept of who we think we are- that it takes an incredible amount of conscious effort over a long time to unearth them and work through them.


But until we really get in there and identify and deconstruct those those “shoulds,” they will continue to influence us…

until we undermine their credibility IN OUR OWN MINDS…

until we call bullshit on them… and mean it.

When we finally see those "shoulds" for what they really are, they will begin to lose the power WE PERCEIVE they have over us.

Simply stated: Once we SEE how we have given our power away to people and ideas that have no authority over us (because NO ONE does)…


once we see that NO ONE has it all figured out, so looking to others for what we “should” do or be makes no sense at all…


once we TRULY understand this, we are free. Free to listen to our SELF. Free to BE who we’ve always been deep down.


Even the smallest step toward our truth affects EVERYTHING around us, by creating momentum and energy to help us continue moving in the direction of our truth.


As long as we stay open and remember we’re worth it, the possibilities are limitless. WE are limitless!

This is the moment when we begin to look with new eyes. It’s powerful. And it’s time. It’s time to get back to YOU.


By simply becoming aware of the “shoulds” and where they come from, we take huge strides toward freeing ourselves of their perceived power over us.


Just start by being aware throughout your day. If you find yourself feeling that little bit of nausea in your gut or that anxiety rising in your chest when you’re doing something that doesn’t resonate with you, just notice it, and notice what’s going on when you feel it.


Remember – YOU know, deep down, what feels right to YOU. It’s not about becoming. It’s about remembering. And every little bit you chip away at what’s NOT you, you get that much closer to remembering your TRUE power.


And that power is limitless.


Xx Jen


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